A scrap of paper pinned to the new memorial column outside of old city hall

“… let me down gently; tell me it’s not quite over; tell me we can still change something, anything…”

East Tangiers: A Beginner’s Guide. Part One.

What is East Tangiers?

East Tangiers is a small town in the count of Tangiers located somewhere in the continental United States. It is on a river and in a valley. Founded in the 18th century by a group of fugitive French Huguenots as Maratland, the name was eventually changed to East Tangiers for unknown reasons, in the late 19th century.

What is East Tangiers East of?

Just over the river lies West Tangiers, a substantially larger city that was founded much later than East Tangiers. There are currently no direct routes between East and West Tangiers, though the cities have long been attempting to create a bridge to link them. The powers of East Tangiers hope this will help rejuvenate their failing economy by bringing increased business and tourism to their historic areas.

Who runs the government of East Tangiers?

Mayor Kip Zirkel has been the town’s mayor for 30 of his 70 years. Along with the ever noble Zirkel, the town maintains a lively city council filled with such firebrands as Tom Apping and April Chthon.

Samantha Tungston Dreams

of a fiery heart with hawk wings trapped in the bowels of a building buried beneath East Tangiers. She dreams of her city, mutated by a piss yellow sun, overrun with men who are not like men, all in search of that mystery buried under somewhere, under some street.

She dreams of a carriage driver with no horses and no carriage. He wears a deep purple top hat and a motorcar’s engine around his neck and he licks his teeth like they were candy. The carriage driver has brought her here to this other East Tangiers. He moves slowly, weighed down by the device around his neck, but his arms are free and they undulate in ways that make Samantha think more of sex than she’d like.

He takes her hand and tells her that he can’t show her to the buried building, though he knows exactly where it is, has the map in fact. Then he leans in and licks her teeth, his top hat sliding down his smooth and powdered hair. The smell is horrible, a baked and rancid sweetness. “I will awake from this” Samantha thinks as she swoons in the dream, her dream consciousness floating somwhere above her dream body, and she sees her dream body being strapped to the carriage drivers back, her legs dangling loose and free from his now more hunched form. “And when I do awaken I will be home.” And Samantha watches in a dream, as the sun beats down upon her limp form, slouching backwards away down the streets of a city she thought she knew, her head lulls left then right, left then right.

One day at dusk on the trash heap playground.

The sky is a dull red. It looks bored and unwilling to be magnificent. On a bench made from old steam engine parts sit three figures. One is in rags, one holds a cane and one is a child, they are all male. The child speaks first, his hair is black but not as black as his eyes.

“There will be a missing girl.”

“There is always a missing girl.”

“She is almost always dead, but either way she will never be found, not really.”

“She will always be missed. There will always be tears.”

“Some will always question whether you can ever understand ‘she.’ Any ‘she’ at all”

“Even if her body is found, the sight of her face will only deepen the mystery.”

“Her last moments will be lost, a puzzle with no pieces left.”

“The idea of a puzzle. A puzzle that was a body, a body that was a life, a life that was a mirror.”

“There will be a missing girl.”

“There is always a missing girl.”

Laughter Haunts the River Banks

A deep boiling laughter has been heard eminating from the banks of the river. It was first heard by the crews working to erect the new bridge linking East and West Tangiers. "At first it was a slow, almost whispered laughter," Foreman Carlos Wilhelm said "but it's gotten consistently stronger and louder."

"We hear it every night now, just before the sun goes down," crane operator Jim Jones added, "It's like the river is laughing at us." Another bridge worker, who wished not to be named, said that the laughter now haunted his dreams, that he could see the river when he slept and it was inky black.

Authorities have refused to comment, but this reporter has been there at dusk and heard the sounds with the workers. You could almost mistake it for the natural noises of the river but I swear it is something more. It is a strong laugh now, almost triumphant. The Gazette and the Observer, in the interest of public safety, will be calling in experts from the DNR to further investigate the sounds.

Reverend Neville Joins Staff

Dear Reverend Neville,

The East Tangiers Gazette and Observer welcomes you to its staff. You've certainly been a boon to our town's spiritual life and we hope you will bring that same fervor to our humble publication as well. And nevermind all that bollocks concering you lurking about the Catholic graveyard at night with a shovel, a fly swatter and a hot pink dildo. We here at the Gazette and Observer don't abide by such nasty rumors. Welcome to the staff and here's to a long a fruitful collaboration.

All the best.

Samantha Tungston's to do list

Monday

Drop J. Jr. at school
Pick up dry cleaning (4 shirts, 2 blouses)
Drive Ginny to piano
Grocery shopping (separate list)
Pick up Ginny
Make list of bills
Call J. to see what he wants for dinner
Browse obituaries
Stare at bedroom wall and catalogue disaster scenarios
Play with Ginny (Hungry Hungry Hippo or Trouble)
Fix dinner (pending J.’s answer)
Make list of letters to write
Watch hour of PBS with J. Jr. (Nova special on bird migration)
Put Ginny to bed (begin Wrinkle in Time)
Be sure J. Jr. is doing homework
Sex with J. (think about death as he cums)
Mandatory post-coital money talk
Prayers
Sleep the sleep of the righteous